How To Get More Happiness

Perpetual happiness doesn’t exist. Life has ups and downs and that’s all there is to it. Nothing is permanent. Everything you have, think and are will be gone or will have changed into something completely different sooner or later. Nothing stays the same. When you realize that you will lose everything at one time or another, it frees you from being too attached to anything

Some things will stay with you until you die, and some may be gone tomorrow. Anything can happen. So, when you get a new toy, enter a new relationship, sit down to a meal, start a new job, etc., tell yourself that it will be gone someday and enjoy the hell out of it while it’s here. Value it, and immerse yourself in it, but be able to let it go when the time comes.

Remove the bad and add the good.

Intentionally replace that which sucks with that which does not suck. At the very least, get rid of that which sucks now to make room for better things. If you are in a dreary, miserable relationship that has no realistic probability of getting better, end it. If your job is killing you, seek another, or start your own business on the side! Take anything else and then use that time to find something better. Value your time! If you are swamped in debt, simplify and maybe declare bankruptcy. Dig yourself out of shitty situations.

Remove toxic people.

Spend time around those who are supportive and uplifting. If you spend time around negative, self-pitying, pessimistic, snarky people, it drains you. It depletes the energy you could be using to make things better. Phase out negative people and seek out more positive people. After all, their attitude is their choice, and you don’t owe it to anyone to let them drag you down with them. They aren’t entitled to your time and attention.

Of course, when you start to pull away, they may get more dramatic, have more crises and guilt trip the hell out of you to try to keep you around, and if they pull that kind of stuff, it’s best to just walk away. Just stop giving attention to those who only seek it in a “misery loves company” kind of way. It’s not worth your sanity.

Remember that your life is YOUR life! Stop molding yourself to the expectations of others. Sadly, most people will try to restrict you when you seek to fly, or at least want to stop crawling. People don’t want you to change, they want the old familiar you. They like being right about you.

Many people are very uncomfortable with change and they may take your aspirations as an attack on them. They may try to pull a “you don’t like me anymore” guilt trip. All you can do is explain that it’s not personal and keep moving onward and upward. Unfollow negative feeds in social media. Cut the tentacles of guilt, expectation, and limitation. Break free! After all, if they really want to keep you around, they can be supportive.

Surround yourself with uplifting people.

Find the people who are doing something constructive with their lives. It is said that we are the amalgamation of the five people we spend the most time with. Make sure those five people are smarter than you, doing more with their lives, and can teach you to better yourself. Choose people who are closer to where you want to be, and you will have more impetus to lift yourself up.

Some situations will be very difficult to extricate yourself from. You have a choice: stay and continue to endure this hell indefinitely, or go through the hell of extricating yourself and find freedom on the other side. Two hells, but one has a happier ending. Go towards the light, Carol Anne!

Find out what makes you happy and what you want in life.

Write down all the things that bring you happiness, no matter how small or how grandiose. Everything you can think of. The scent of the forest, a certain meal, books, places, sounds, etc. Write it all down. Take some time and add things to the list as they pop into your mind. You’ll find that simply focusing on that which makes you happy will help uplift you. It will also help you understand what to move towards and what to include more of in your life. You like being in a forest? Go be in one for a weekend! You miss a person’s voice? Call them! Nothing’s going to just fall into your lap, no matter how much you wish or pray. You have to make things happen. You have to make the first move.

Make another list, this time of all the things you want to have, learn, do and experience in your life. Time and money is irrelevant for this list. Just get it all out. All the places you want to see, all the bands you’d like to see live, all the meals you want to try, all the skills you want to learn, all the people you want to meet, all the things you want to have. All of it. Just like the other list, keep it going and add things as they come to mind.

Once both lists are pretty full, you’ll have a much better idea of what you want and what makes you happy. Now you know what to move towards. After all, the most miserable and crippling life is when you don’t know what you want, so you do nothing. You simply float along in limbo wishing things were somehow better. After these lists, you’ll know what you want.

Start adding to your life whatever you can from those lists. Start with small stuff. This will also show you what is getting in between you and that which makes you happy.

Remove the clutter to make room for the new.

Some things will cost money. So, you need more money. Simplify. Get frugal. Go to r/frugal often and get some tips on how to keep more of your money and how to be more frugal. Get out of debt, whatever it takes. Declare bankruptcy if you must. It takes a while, but it’s not that hard. I just did it and it’s a HUGE relief!

Your life is waiting for you. Stop simply existing and start getting more of whatever creates happiness! If you do nothing to get happiness, then you’ll get nothing in return.

Now, you may have medical limitations to what you can do. Still, do what you can. Surely there are some things you can include in your life to make it a bit happier. There must be some things you can do that you aren’t doing right now. At the very least, keep the images, sounds, smells, etc. of what make you happy around you as much as possible. It beats being in a funk all the time.

Watch uplifting videos. TED.com has a bunch of very inspiring and motivating stuff, and a lot that will give you hope for humanity. Read books that make you happy. I don’t mean self-help, unless you think that will work for you. I mean books that give practical advice in the kinds of things you’re interested in.

Learn new things every day!

Learn some new recipes, or a new language, or a skill you’ve been putting off. Read about a place you’d like to visit. Keep filling your brain, eyes and ears with positive things and practical, helpful information. Turn off the news. Nothing is more depressing and aggravating and causes more fear and feelings of being overwhelmed than that which passes for “news”. Most of it is info that you can’t do anything about, and there’s no point worrying about that which you can’t change. Your life is a big enough bite to chew on. Deal with what you can, a little bit at a time. Filter what you take in. Start making choices about what you read and watch and who you talk with.

Help others as much as you can. Nothing feels better than being able to make someone else’s life better. One of the best ways to get happiness is to help make others happy!

The whole process boils down to removing that which sucks from your life and getting that which does not suck into your life. If you have a bowl of shit, throw it out and get a steak! If you can’t get a steak, at least don’t eat shit. Having something mediocre for a time is better than having something bad. Happiness doesn’t happen to you. Happiness is created by you.

None of this is a guarantee that life won’t still suck from time to time, but wouldn’t it be better to have more happiness than less? Sucky situations must be endured occasionally, but as long as you keep moving towards whatever makes you happy, the harder times will be much easier to endure. It all depends on what is more important to you. To keep life as it is, or to make it better. Happiness is a result of your choices. Make better ones!

Please follow and like us:
0

Wasted Time Is Wasted Life

Wasted time is a loss of every person’s most precious commodity. Time is literally life. When one’s time is wasted, their life is wasted.

Wasting time is a sign of disrespect.

Wasting someone’s time is one of the greatest forms of disrespect. If you waste a person’s time, you’re telling them “I don’t care about your life”. Those who are perpetually late or hold things up because they need to get ready are displaying extreme selfishness.

Those who consistently waste your time should have little to no access to your time. Think of time as a currency. If you gave someone ten dollars and they just threw it away and asked for more, would you keep giving them money? Then why would you keep giving of something more precious than money?

Wasted time is theft.

People steal for your life in many ways. Here’s a few examples:

  • Showing up late.
  • Making you late by not being ready on time.
  • Monopolizing conversations.
  • Leaving long, rambling voicemail messages.
  • Taking a long time to get back to you on important things.
  • Having a lot of crises that somehow require your attention.
  • Complaining.
  • Making extra work for you by leaving messes in your way.
  • Repeatedly asking for information or instructions that you’ve already given them several times.
  • Not keeping commitments and appointments.
  • Not communicating a change in plans.
  • Being consistently forgetful.

The list goes on.

If you waste the time of others, it’s time to stop. If you’re allowing others to waste your time, it’s time to stop. How your time is valued by you or others is how your life is valued. Time is life.

One of the biggest wastes of time is apologies for wasting time. Especially when you or they keep doing whatever is being apologized for. That’s a lack of accountability. Don’t apologize. Do better. Actions speak louder than words.

Protecting your time is important.

Never feel guilty about protecting and valuing your time. No one is entitled to your time, unless you have made a commitment to provide it. If the agreements you have made are imbalanced or are a bad deal, then you should renegotiate. If someone is intentionally wasting your time, don’t give them another second.

Don’t waste your own time!

Many people waste their own time with inefficiency. They don’t think about the return on investment of their time. People who camp overnight to save a few bucks on a TV on Black Friday are a perfect example. Unless these people are reading something that helps them during all those hours, or somehow helping others, their time is wasted. It’s more likely they’re just gossiping and eating and having inane conversations and being uncomfortable, all to save $30 on electronics. There’s probably a better deal online anyway.

Procrastinating not only wastes your time, but adds stress. You’ve got it on your mind. You know it needs to be done. That stress makes all your other work more difficult. Get it done! Clear your time and clear your head!

Time is an investment.

Every moment is an opportunity to invest in yourself. To learn something, come up with ideas to improve your life, or take action. Of course, taking some time to have fun, blow off steam and simply enjoy life is not wasted time! Life is meant to be enjoyed. However, most wasted time isn’t really enjoyed. It’s simply wasted by:

  • Scrolling endlessly through social media.
  • Having online debates that won’t change anything.
  • Being high and just zoning out.
  • Useless, gossipy conversations.
  • Binge-watching on Netflix.
  • Worrying.
  • Thinking about what you could and should be doing.
  • Rehashing the past or having imaginary arguments in your mind.

Alternatives to wasting time can be:

  • Reading books/articles or anything that teaches you something you can use.
  • Learning a new skill.
  • Practicing a current skill.
  • Exercising.
  • Helping someone.
  • Doing anything that needs to be done.
  • Taking a drive out in nature to clear your head.
  • Doing any small thing that makes your life even 1% better than it was yesterday.
  • Making a plan for self improvement and implementing it.

Ultimately, it’s your time and your life. How much do you value it?

Please follow and like us:
0

Real Body Positivity Is Not How You Look, But How You Feel

There’s a movement called body positivity which has good intentions, but like most well-intentioned social movements, it is infected with a lot of poorly thought out narratives that pervert the core goodness and intent.

The basic idea is that you should love yourself and your body, no matter how it looks. You shouldn’t try to live up to society’s standards of beauty and image and should accept your body as it is.

I agree with this. It’s good and it’s true. You shouldn’t live up to anyone’s beauty standards, including the body positivity movement’s standards! And yes, they have them. While it’s supposedly about loving your body as it is, they seem to only accept those who aren’t skinny, rather than everyone. They harshly judge anyone who diets or exercises or makes any effort to alter their body in any way. Because, if you’re doing something to change it, you must view how it currently is as bad! Bullshit.

Would you treat your mind the same way you treat your body?

Do you stop learning in life or just say “I’ve learned all I ever need to learn and my brain is perfect just the way it is, so I’m going to stop reading and learning because that’s for people who hate their minds!” No, that would be stupid. Every aspect of ourselves can be improved and improvement doesn’t mean rejecting where you are now. It doesn’t mean hating yourself or living up to anyone else’s standards. It’s not saying where you are now is bad and must be shamed. It simply means that you love yourself enough to have an increasing quality of life. The alternative is stagnancy. Nothing good ever came from stagnancy.

Facts are not value judgments!

The main problem with the body positivity movement is that many in it confuse medical facts with value judgments. If a doctor says that a lot of body fat can lead to greater risk of heart disease, that’s a fact! That’s not saying “you’re bad if you’re fat”. It’s not shaming anyone to state a fact. Whether you like it or not, a lot of excess fat does greatly increase the risk of heart disease. The evidence for this is overwhelming. It’s not about beauty standards or looks. It’s a fact that provides information and it’s up to you what you do with it. That’s all.

It doesn’t matter if you’re currently big and healthy. It doesn’t matter if your aunt was 300lbs and her doctors all told her she was healthy as a horse up until the day she died at age 97. The point is increased risk, not a black and white declaration saying that if you’re fat you absolutely will have heart disease. Thinking that’s what a doctor is saying is a huge leap away from reality and logic. If the risk is worth it to you in order to hold on to some ideal, then take that risk. It’s your body.

Body positivity is not about how you look, but how you feel!

The main thing to remember is this: how you look is not nearly as important as how you physically feel.

Read that sentence again, because it’s the most important thing being said here. Absorb it.

Do you run out of breath climbing a flight of stairs? Are you constantly tired, exhausted or fatigued? Do you feel sluggish and lack energy? Do you have a lot of brain fog and lack of mental clarity? If you do, then obviously some changes need to be made, and positive thinking isn’t going to do it.

If you feel like shit, then why not do something about it? After all, if you love yourself, why would you prolong feeling like shit? What is the point of that? So you can “stick to your guns”? Hey, if that’s more important than feeling energetic and clear, have fun with that.

If you feel anything less than energetic and clear most of the time, then why not do whatever it takes to get energetic and clear? That can mean a bit of exercise and a change in what you eat, or something else. Whatever works. It’s not about following any standards, it’s about the results! Feeling positive about your body is a poor substitute for feeling positive in your body!

If you love your body, make it feel good! Take action, even if it means getting ejected from the perpetually offended cool kids club! You’re better off without their negativity disguised as support. They are all about intentional victimhood! If you are big and you honestly, truly feel energetic and clear most of the time, then awesome! Do your thing! Forget I said anything. But be brutally honest with yourself. Do you?

Love how your body feels more than how you feel about your body!

If the answer is yes, then cool. However, if you start to feel consistently less than energetic and clear, it may be time to re-evaluate. One thing I’ve learned the hard way: it takes many times more effort to make changes the longer a situation persists. Waiting too long can lead to a situation with no solution. Eating like shit and not caring what anyone else thought led to diabetes.

I changed my habits and turned things around, and I was told I had body dysmorphia. No, bitch. I have diabetes, not dysmorphia. Diabetes will kill me if I don’t make changes. It would have been better if I made choices that didn’t lead to diabetes in the first place. I ignored how badly I felt. I’m paying the price for my stupid fucking pride.

Don’t do anything to live up to anyone’s standards or expectations. You don’t need a social movement or an ideology. You need good choices that mitigate risk and do the least amount of harm. Being smart is better than being right.

Please follow and like us:
0

Intentional Victimhood – The Weapon of the Entitled

Intentional victimhood has become all the rage. Of course, real suffering and victimhood exists and is unfortunately the situation for a great many. However, there are also a lot of “victims” whose suffering is mostly self-inflicted. Discerning the difference is important if we are to have interactions based on reality and facts.

There are also those who have been truly victimized in the past, but refuse to heal, using their victimization as a manipulative tool for attention and social leverage. There’s big money in victimhood if you know how to market it well.

Suffering should never be used as a weapon.

The problem isn’t so much people identifying as victims as it is people using their victimhood as a weapon, thereby victimizing others. Many treat suffering as a contest. The thing to remember is that whenever you meet someone, you have no idea what they have endured. That they are not talking about their experiences, or that they seem to have their life together doesn’t mean they haven’t suffered intensely. They may have a daily struggle to maintain an appearance of normalcy, or they may have done the hard work of processing and dealing with their trauma and identify as a survivor, not a victim.

They may have suffered worse than you, even if your own victimization was intense and prolonged. You just don’t know.

Jokes are not attacks.

Many of those who have suffered greatly will openly joke about their own suffering and aren’t bothered by other people’s jokes about it. This is often because, after the actual suffering they’ve endured, mere words can’t possibly affect them. They’ve been through far worse.

Some will get offended if you try to treat them gently or are too politically correct because they feel they are being treated as if they are weak and need to be mollycoddled. People with a dark, twisted and extremely “offensive” sense of humor are often those who have endured a ton of abuse. They can laugh at anything because no joke can possibly be as bad as what they’ve already been through.

Stand-up comics aren’t generally known for being a happy and well-adjusted lot.

Trigger warnings are an unrealistic expectation.

It doesn’t matter what we’ve been through. It is our individual responsibility to choose how we respond when we encounter things that trigger emotional responses. Expecting the rest of the world to adjust their expressions to avoid the possibility that we might be triggered by them is unethical.

How can all the ways we might be affected possibly be taken into account? If we had warnings for all the things different people could be triggered by, every expression would require a trigger warning.

Our emotional state is our personal responsibility, not anyone else’s. When we get triggered by something, we have to deal with that by using whatever coping mechanisms we have, as long as we don’t disturb others.

Let’s imagine you are in a theater watching a movie and a scene triggers you. Your method of coping is to scream, it would be better to go outside and scream rather than disturb, startle, and possibly trigger others. No one is entitled to having public situations modified to suit their personal comfort zone.

Your suffering is your responsibility.

Every year in the U.S., on the Fourth of July and New Year’s Eve, many combat veterans suffer silently. Fireworks and gunshots fill the air, bringing them back to horrors that overwhelm them. They don’t ask everyone else to refrain from their celebrations. They just have a really bad night and deal with it.

Those who expect the rest of the world to tiptoe around their triggers forget an important truth. No one is entitled to never suffer or be offended. Life is guaranteed to contain suffering and offense of various kinds for everyone.

However, this doesn’t mean we should just say or do whatever, whenever. We should be free to express ourselves freely and openly, yet we should also not intentionally be a dick. As in all things, there is a balance.

Please follow and like us:
0

Welcome to Bill Bennu!

Welcome to Bill Bennu!

Hello! I’m Bill Bennu! I’m here to share techniques, ideas, education and insights on how to improve every aspect of your life! This site is not for everyone. This site is for you if:

  • You are functionally literate.
  • You are capable of and willing to learn new things and follow basic instructions.
  • You are capable of and willing to remove toxic and limiting beliefs, opinions, assumptions, people, situations, prejudices, and habits from your life.
  • You are capable of and willing to take action and make the physical, mental and emotional effort to change your life, even and especially when it gets difficult.
  • You will, right now, stop identifying as a victim of anyone or anything and take full responsibility for every aspect of your life and your self.

There will be a lot of bitter pills to swallow here. Medicine is often bitter, while poisons are sweet. I won’t tell you what you want to hear or what is popular. You may be offended or upset by some of the things here. That’s good. It means you care.

My intent is to help you empower yourself and take responsibility and control of your life. This is done with tough love, human solidarity, and humor. Please let me know if there are any topics I should cover to help you!

Thank you for taking the time to read my words, and thank you for helping the world be a better place by becoming a better human!

Please follow and like us:
0